Just that title alone makes me feel like I have a wire shorting out in my brain somewhere. Anyone else relate?! Chaotic is basically an adopted personality trait of mine at this point. But I will admit, sometimes this chaos in my daily life just feels so… distracting, overwhelming, exhausting. Feeling like I’m trying to balance 20 oddly shaped heavy objects and walk across a tightrope blindfolded. Or falling into the illusion that the faster and more rigorously I work, perhaps I can stall the sunset to feel more accomplished with my day. (If only it worked like that at times!) But the truth is, I could work myself to the capacity of a machine and still feel behind, inadequate, stressed, burnt out. Summed up in just a paragraph it sounds so simple, yet it is by far one of the most challenging concepts to wrap my mind around daily. To remind myself that I am, in fact, a human being – a finite being. But here’s the cool part.
A finite being in the hands of an infinite God.
Some mornings my feet hit the ground full of determination and will power to tackle that to-do list. And other mornings I roll over with no intention, let alone motivation, to seek productivity. And of course that’s a pretty wide spectrum. This spectrum truly changes with every new stage of life too – from the elementary days of racing to finish chores to escape to play time to the adult world of feeling even a little relaxed to eat some chips and watch your favorite show once and awhile. Our brains are typically trained to chase accomplishment, and then a proceeding reward. The nature of this ‘reward’ takes on many forms too – tangible, mental, emotional, social, even spiritual. Here comes the messy, tangled web part. What happens when we don’t find the reward? What happens when the reward presents itself but we don’t feel deserving? What pattern do we establish by simply telling ourselves, “It’s not enough.”
If you consider yourself an overachiever, you have surely been there before. Even if you never crossed the starting line with your day, this trap has probably found you too. I know I’ve been in this spot more times than I can count. Feeling so drained by my never ending tasks, so quick to measure my unfinished work and criticize myself harshly. Physically closing my laptop, but unable to shut off the nocturnal browser still running in my mind. Struggling to take a break until I just finished whatever it was I was doing (that’s a deceiving system in case you didn’t know). But I very quickly rediscover every single time I feel this way… I can only go on so long before I just run out of steam. Before my sleep schedule takes a big dent. Before my mental health begins to slip. At the end of the day, how should my productivity and accomplishment truly be measured? How do I know when it’s enough? Obviously my personal margins on this are a bit skewed most of the time. But what does Jesus think about this?
At the core of my to-do lists (yes, plural – always) is my heart to honor and glorify God with all that I think, say, and do. Which somedays I’m better at than others… what can I say, finding godly patience with northern Virginia drivers is the REAL test!! Yet, Jesus has always been more about the heart than the ‘good works’. Quality over quantity. He accepts us as we are, that’s the beauty of His grace. So maybe I lie down for bed feeling so defeated with the things needing to be done. But Jesus looks at my heart and spirit amongst the things I DID get done. And it’s enough. I am enough for Him. So I am enough for me. Jesus can take all that frazzled chaos and use it for His glory even still, with the right heart and mindset. Those days when I feel like a spool of thread just unraveling on max speed – yep even that can be weaved into something beautiful with His design.
Each day the sun sets and rises again is a blessing and a gift. How we fill that space is a choice. Some of those days are gonna feel like a complete flop and some will have you feeling on top of the world! And everything in between. But no matter what the crazy day unfolds to be, Jesus is in it, and He’s guiding us amidst that big ole hurricane of hectic! He sees the small things, the pieces of our day we regard as ‘not a big deal’. Maybe you didn’t get that basket of laundry folded or unbury your cluttered desk. But you still showed up for your kid at their soccer game, or found some time to read a story to your toddler, or sat on the edge of your couch watching a nail-biter episode of Gilmore Girls with your teen. Jesus sees everything, which I find extremely comforting considering the scatterbrained state I’m in quite often! Don’t measure your days by the things looming overhead still to be accomplished – but by the moments of small joys and many blessings that shape our perspective in a permanent, powerful way.
So go take that phone call break to catch up with your long distance best friend! Pause that computer nightmare to take a walk outside and soak up some sunshine. Savor every last sip of that Starbucks drink you debated even getting for 10 whole minutes. Take a moment every day to remind yourself of Jesus’ productivity policy – that you are enough for Him, exactly as you are, where you are, and despite any number of tasks growing that to-do list. There might never be enough hours in the day humanly speaking, but there’s more than enough space in the day to be productive Heavenly speaking.
